Soooo today was the first official day of my teacher training at Strala with Tara, Mike, and several excited, lively and bubbly future teachers. It was exhilarating to be surrounded by people brought together by a common thread. Exhilarating… and a little intimidating!
Well here goes today's thoughts... Does it ever feel like you don’t really know who you are? Other people perceive you as something, which is obviously what you put out into the world, but for me, I have no clue as to what exactly I am. Hmmmm. I was thinking about this today as we took turns introducing ourselves during training, and I looked around at the shining faces of all of these ambitious adventurers, and I suddenly realized I have procrastinated myself away. Now, how do I explain that really ridiculous last statement…?
My father gave me some advice when I was seventeen, which always pops into my mind after I have strayed from myself. He told me that whatever I decide and want to do to go after it. While you’re young you just assume that things will fall into place, and that life will accommodate you at all times. After awhile you will realize that it’s been ten years and life didn’t hand you everything on a silver platter. Where did the time go? So whenever I get into a rut and start to lose sight of what matters to me, I think of his words. I go through phases when I start the day with the best of intentions⎯ thinking that I will own the day, become superwoman, and magically have enough energy to accomplish a weeks worth of activities. But then the unexpected will happen. Instead of one load of laundry it turns into five. Or a massive headache hits around noon and there is no way to go on. For others it may be their children needing attention or being called into work for an extra shift, or oh I don’t know, the ceiling caves in on their bathroom and they can’t take a shower. That would suck. Life happens. And things don’t get accomplished. But I don’t want to be that person anymore. Being around such positive people and energy will definitely be helpful in my pursuit of myself!
Procrastination runs deep in my blood, and I hadn’t really found a way to face it head on. Each day is a battle for me to stay focused on what it is that I truly need and want to do, instead of mundane tasks that keep me busy and preoccupied, which in turn shuts off my ‘Jennifer’ juices from flowing, and I forget who I truly am. In the studio today there was a moment when I was laying in savasana with my eyelids heavy, listening to the silent sound of my own inhale and exhale, and I was truly focused on myself. Not on the bills I have to pay and the apartment I have to clean and on the work I need to finish. While being in the studio with the soft light and slight hum and breeze of fans I became immersed in myself. And that’s what yoga can be for people: A way to own your mind, your body, and your presence in the world. When you lose sight of yourself, a deep breath and calming position can let you gain control of what is yours. And all of this thinking and self examination came from one single breath. Imagine what an entire class can do for you :)
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